if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
These tits shall not be calmed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
