So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
