no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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