By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Be still, my beating vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
