I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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