This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
