we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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