I am puke
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
