Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
