you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
