I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
