I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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