Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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