did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
