You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
