Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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