Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
