Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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