At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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