just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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