Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
