My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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