Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
