craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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