guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
