I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
