PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
