I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
