How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
