I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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