Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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