Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
