you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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