Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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