Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
