life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
