Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
