Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
