6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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