i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
