it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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