Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Buhtt sex?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
