I am puke
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
