East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
