How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
