you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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