White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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