he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
