is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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