I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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