I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
